I am progressing ahead of schedule but even if I exceed my expectations and come back as a sub-4 marathoner, I'll still be plenty mad about what happened with my health. I feel like I was given the APPEARANCE of healing 10 years ago. Why not? My workouts were INSANE and I could handle it. For a brief period of time, I was symptom-free on no pills at all. I also feel that I was USED to spread hope to the world under false pretenses. The healing was nothing more than an illusion and I never had a chance with the protocol until I found the source of the inexplicable reactions to benign vitamins and minerals. After many false hopes, I finally have a reason for optimism thanks to auto-immune supplements.
The only way that I will feel better about the timing of my recovery is if the woman of my dreams is out there and for whatever reason, she would not have interested me if we had met a decade ago. Though the qualities that I am looking for are pretty much the same, I am more open to inter-racial dating nowadays and have taken an interest in learning Spanish. Also, I could envision my 30-year old self to be vulnerable to getting hurt by being too much of a simp. For those who don't know, a simp is a slang term primarily directed at men who go overboard with being nice to women with hopes of getting into a relationship when they know or should have known that there is no interest on the other side. If they are unfortunate enough to get into such a relationship, they will be completely subservient to their girlfriend. He will allow her to walk all over him even if it becomes abusive then get dumped when she finds someone more appealing. There is NO WAY that I will fall into that trap nowadays.
Disclaimer: No sexism is intended. The following anecdotes do not reflect my overall experiences with women. If a man treated me the same way, I'd be just as upset. I am only pointing out red flags that should be avoided by BOTH men and women. Here are my top 3 red flags.
1 Too Clingy- If you send me a good morning text every day or ask how my work is going, that's fine. I'd like it if you do that. If you want to chat with me throughout the day when I am supposed to be working, that is a problem. Sometimes, after finishing a small task at work, I take a 2 minute break to browse my newsfeed on Facebook. That is NOT the time to chit chat with me on Messenger. If you send me texts every hour and get upset when I don't answer right away, we've got a problem. One person talked about how I "make her sad" by not answering immediately and came on way too strong too early. I made it clear that friendship was as far as this goes but she did not stop. I guess you could say that this is a female simp.
This usually reflects low self-esteem and I've been there myself. Though I never went that overboard, when I was in school, I did feel a little sad when my crush didn't talk to me much. I went home happy on the days that she was more friendly than usual even if I got a bad grade on an exam. What happens when you find out that dating your crush is not all that you had hoped it to be? Will you still go overboard to impress them and bend over backwards in a vain effort to make it work? I hope not.
At the other end of the spectrum, ghosting someone for several days with no explanation after they told you that they are hurting is not cool either. That will likely lead to neglect in a relationship. There needs to be a healthy balance of togetherness and personal space.
2. Overly Critical/ Unrealistic Expectations- A person who is overly critical yet thin-skinned themselves with no sense of accountability for hurtful words and actions is a toxic combo that must be avoided at all costs. As a hypothetical example, suppose that I occasionally leave my pajamas on the floor next to the bed instead of putting them back in the dresser drawer. Just tell me gently that it bothers you and I will apologize and say that I will not do that anymore. I might slip up, but it will be rare from that point. If you completely flip out over what is to me, a trivial issue, we’ve got a problem. It’s not like dirty workout clothes and trash are constantly strewn all over the bedroom floor. We are talking about one pair of pajamas. Newsflash: Nobody is perfect. Not even you! Surely, you have some quirks that can get on people’s nerves. Are you completely oblivious to your own flaws or do you simply expect me to tolerate anything that you do even if it crosses the line into abuse?
Now let’s suppose that after flipping out on me, I gently correct you because you did something that I found to be irritating. If you become angry, that’s a BIG problem. Then, after the dust settles and things calm down the next morning. I might say something like this: “I didn’t like the way you spoke to me last night. Both your choice of words and tone of voice were hurtful to me, and I don’t believe it was warranted under the circumstances.” If the other person doubles down on their angry outburst, RUN! If the situation were reversed and I spoke the same way to you, would you be upset? If the answer is yes, you owe me an apology. I have ZERO tolerance for physical abuse. If you lay a hand on me and it’s not a playful or affectionate touch, I’m OUT! No second chance.
I do believe strongly in communication. Although I would never deliberately hurt my girlfriend’s feelings, there may be things that I need to improve. Just tell me gently and lovingly and don’t be upset if I do the same to you. Don’t keep your angry bottled up or the other person could be blindsided by angry attack after you let the behavior go without saying something.
I will cite one personal anecdote with a female boss who said that it was “offensive” when I interrupted her. Yet just a few days later in the next meeting, she did the same thing to me twice in row. There are few things that make me more angry than being bashed for doing the very same things that you are guilty of doing yourself. Is it somehow okay when you do it and do you want to be exempt from the very same rules that you set for me? NO. I won’t play that game. Imagine having to walk on eggshells to avoid the wrath or your spouse while having to tolerate abusive behaviors yourself. If you are a simp, you could very well find yourself in that position.
3. Control/ Get Your Own Way
This trait is probably the most offensive to me. I’ll start out with a hypothetical example. You have a vacation destination that is #1 on your bucket list but I don’t particularly want to go there. Unless it is a war zone or a country with severe human rights issues, I am willing to go along to make you happy. Who knows? I might like it if I give it a chance. BUT BUT BUT: Next time, I get to choose the destination and I expect you to go along with it even if it’s not among your top choices. Fair is fair. Another example could be if I want to go to a baseball game, but you are not interested. If you agree to go to make me happy, I will certainly have no problem going to a movie or concert that I don’t have much interest in seeing.
Conflict and disagreements are inevitable. Build consensus and meet in the middle. If there is something that you really want to do, I’ll support you even if I don’t think it’s a great idea, but I expect the same in return. I am willing to compromise to keep the peace but NO, I will not automatically go along with whatever you want to do, especially if it is at my expense. If you change your mind frequently and increase your demands instead of sticking with the original agreement, that is a double whammy.
Here is a personal anecdote:
A female friend asked me if I wanted to go to a picnic and asked if I could drive her. I said “Sure, that could be fun.” After we agreed on the picnic, she insisted on going the opposite direction to Wal-Mart first and did not tell me the address of the picnic. When we got to the parking lot, she insisted that I park 4 spaces closer. She left her door open and asked me 3 times to move the car and would not walk with me until I did so. No, she was not injured. I should have known this was trouble when she had to get her own way over something that insignificant.
In the end, we spent more than an hour at Wal-Mart and never made it to the picnic. She was completely oblivious to the fact that it was extremely boring for me and asked repeatedly to continue shopping. If I ever told her firmly to stop doing something because I felt sick and needed to get home, she ignored me and did it anyway. This was after I drove her and bought her lunch. The same person had previously asked me for money to get her nails done after having not communicated with me for weeks. A simp would have agreed in hopes that it would lead to a dating relationship. If it does, he must do whatever she asks even if it’s no fun for him at all. No thanks!
Another potential source of conflict that was avoided was the COVID vackseen. Imagine being pressured to take the jab when your partner is aware of untreated autoimmune issues. Yes, I do know people who were that crazy. I’m sure the following ultimatum was given to many people: Get the jab or I will leave you. What if I suffered an injury after being pressured to take the jab when it’s now known that it does not stop the spread? The grief on both sides would be unimaginable. That also makes me feel a LITTLE better about the timing of my recovery. I suppose that it is POSSIBLE that my over-active immune system protected me from COVID.
Conclusion:
Regardless of whether you are a man or woman, I have the following pieces of advice:
- Don't be submissive to the point in which your partner takes advantage of you.
- Don't tolerate physical or persistent verbal abuse.
-If your crush is not interested in you, accept it and move on.
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!
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