I may never have this responsibility but these guidelines could be useful for parents of teenagers so here goes. The only time I ever got into any trouble was age 13-14 and my worst year was 8th grade. IMHO, these guidelines are strict but fair and reasonable. Nobody is perfect and I certainly don’t expect it from teenagers. That said, I am not your friend. I am your step-father. The age group most likely to get in trouble with the law is age 19-26. Hopefully, you will leave home at 19 either for college, a trade school or directly to full time employment. The 6 years from 13-19 are not very long when you have an adult perspective. My job is to prepare you for the adult world and prevent the common problems among young adults.
School Work:
C grades are not acceptable. Strive for As and Bs. When you come out of college, many employers won’t even look at you if you did not have a GPA of 3.0 or higher and entry-level job hunting is hard enough as it is. If you want to go for a Master’s Degree, you must maintain a 3.0 just to stay in the program. It’s a tough stance but I’ve got to take it. Now, if you get a C in a subject like Physics or Trigonometry, that’s understandable because the subject matter is difficult. A C grade on a spelling, vocabulary or Geography test? No, that’s because you didn’t study.
I don’t believe in complete absolutes in this area. Let’s say you get all Bs except for 1 C from a teacher who is known to be difficult. I might take away your phone for one day per week but anything more than that is too harsh. If you feel that you cannot make grades, prove to me that you are putting forth your best effort and I will cut you some slack. Come home with Ds and Fs and it will be military style discipline.
School Conduct:
Nowadays, most schools have software that will allow parents to access student grades at any time during the marking period. When I go to a parent/teacher conference, I will already know exactly how well he or she is doing in the class. I will want to know whether or not he or she is well-mannered and respectful to both teachers and fellow students. Unsolicited compliments on their character from adults will be rewarded. ZERO tolerance for bullying, especially when it comes to racial/ethnic slurs or making fun of someone with a disability. I would rather have a well behaved C student than an A-B student who is a bully and trouble maker. If a child is being bullied, it’s not a free pass but I will be more careful about discipline because their self-esteem is shot and I don’t want to make it worse. I may take a 24 hour cooling off period so there’s less chance I’ll say something that I will regret.
Explicit Music and Movies:
Under some circumstances, I would allow a 13 year old to see an R-rated movie but it would depend on the content. If it’s rated R for language or violence, I would probably allow it. There’s not much chance that you will go on a shooting rampage after seeing a movie like Rambo or Die Hard and I don’t believe it de-sensitizes you to real life violence. Kids hear bad words every day at school so that’s nothing new. If you start saying them, then we’ve got a problem. I will tolerate occasional mild cussing up to BS but don’t make a habit of it. No F bombs however and the nuclear bomb is to take the Lord’s name in vain.
If a movie is rated R for drug and sexual content, it’s going to be a NO unless the characters renounce that lifestyle in the end. The reason for the different attitude is that when you get to high school, you will definitely have classmates that use drugs and have sex and yes, you could be de-sensitized to it, which could potentially ruin your life. As for music, I reserve the right to take away any song that you download but as a general rule I will be fairly lenient. A few bad words will be tolerated as long as it is not noticeable unless I am listening intently. If every verse contains multiple F-bombs or is blatantly anti-Christian, not so much. A song from any artist or genre can possibly be acceptable. Even some of the most controversial artists have some songs that are positive or at least inoffensive. It’s good that nowadays, you can download individual songs without buying a full album, which could be unacceptable as a whole.
Disagreements/Disrespect:
Disagreements about whether or not you should be allowed to do something are inevitable. State your case to me in a reasonable tone and I will listen with an open mind. Saying that other kids are doing it (Tide Pods) is NOT an argument. You may get a YES out of it and I may be more trusting if you make grades and stay out of trouble. That said, if the final answer is NO, that’s the end of it. Nothing more will be discussed on the subject. Blatant disrespect will not be tolerated. Talk such as “I hate you” or “Get out of my life” will be regretted pretty quickly. If that’s what you want, you get everything that goes with it. No allowance, no Christmas gifts. Pack your own lunch. Do your own laundry. Cook your own meals. When you can’t stand that any longer, just apologize, promise to do better and it will be forgiven. If I feel that I was too harsh with you and say things that I should not have, I will admit it and apologize myself.
Drugs/Alcohol/Tobacco/Porn-
ZERO tolerance. If I find your stash, you are guilty. Saying that you are just holding it for a friend is about as good of a defense as your dog ate your homework. One classmate admitted to buying cigarettes but claimed that she didn’t smoke them. LOL. What else are you doing with them? Selling individual cigarettes to other kids is worse and it’s illegal too. The only one of the 4 that I could give a little ground is alcohol because it is less likely to become addictive if used responsibly. Still, I realize that there is a high potential for abuse at that age so I am inclined towards zero tolerance in high school. I did drink underage myself but didn’t start until college. Maybe I will let you slide for 1 or 2 beers at age 17 or 18 but if you come home legally drunk, we’ve got a big problem. If I find out that you drove, I’ll treat it just like a DUI.
Sports/Jobs-
You are strongly encouraged to play sports but I won’t force you. The camaraderie with teammates can be extremely fulfilling and you may learn valuable life skills along the way. I will NEVER punish you for a poor performance on the field. If you don’t have what it takes to make a team, find some other productive extra-curricular activity. If you sign up and decide that you don’t like it, stick it out and finish the season. If you don’t want to play next year, it’s okay but don’t quit mid-season unless you are being severely bullied. I don’t want to give you the idea that it’s okay to quit anything when circumstances are tough. I would rather you play sports than work during the school year but you should definitely get a summer job before college. Yes, that question did come up on a few job interviews as an adult and you’ve got to put a positive spin on it no matter what.
Dating-
This one can be thorny and great care must be taken. I would prefer it if you do not have a serious relationship until college but will allow it if I approve of the person of interest. I will explain that the chances of actually marrying somebody that you dated in high school are slim and you are more likely to hate each other within the next year. This does not include people who married former classmates that they did not date in school. The younger you are, the more likely it is to end badly. The fact that you find somebody attractive and like their personality does NOT constitute being in love. Unless you can give me a good answer as to what love is, don’t tell me that you are in love. In middle school, it will start out with having your date over for dinner before I give my blessing. No matter what your age, I will ask around about the prospective date to teachers and other kids. Multiple bad reports or a single observance of poor treatment/bad behavior will constitute a NO. Teen sex is especially risky not just because of pregnancy and STDs but due to the hormones connected to attachment that are especially dangerous at that age. As a result, break ups are harder than they have to be and you are more likely to remain in a bad relationship. Teen suicides have been on the rise in recent years and the breakup of a sexual relationship is always one of the leading culprits. Don't do it.
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