Death in the Family

 My Dad was the one person in my life that I absolutely could not do without when I was growing up.  Where would I be without him?  Just the thought gives me chills.  Needless to say, I am devastated by this loss.  

He had not been well for the last few years but I expected him to hang on for at least another year or two.  I'm SO GLAD that I took the 2 day layover back home from DC on my birthday.  That was 2 months before he died and the last time I had a conversation with him.

He took a fall in mid-October, which caused a
brain bleed and one thing led to another.  He developed a septic infection and pneumonia.  After reading up on it, I knew the prognosis was poor.  Even if he made it, he would have been a vegetable and lived out his last few months in a nursing home.  He never would have wanted that to happen.  It was later revealed that he had a spot on his pancreas that may have been cancerous.  I'm convinced that it was simply his time and there was nothing that could have saved him.  Even still, I thought he'd hang on for another week or 2 until Thanksgiving.

I volunteered to go home for Veteran's Day weekend but Mom said no, and I went to North Florida as I often do that weekend.  It was a good but not great trip to Flagler and Amelia Island with a stop at Okefenokee Swamp Park on the way back.  I got home on Veterans Day then worked the next day at the office.  That afternoon, I got a call from Mom.  Come home ASAP.  I left the next morning before dawn and made it to the hospital just a few hours before he passed.

I was close to my grandmother and confided in her things that I never told my parents.  I got to see her 2 weeks before she passed.  She was still coherent and I did get to tell her how I felt.  With Dad, there was no proper goodbye.  Though I had heard the bad reports, nothing could prepare me for seeing him at the hospital at death's door.  He tried to sit up and grunted at me but he was no longer able to talk.  At least he knew that I was there.

We got some lunch at the cafeteria then returned to the room for a couple hours.  Mom and I took a walk around the hospital for maybe 15 minutes.  When we got back, we heard a last gasp, almost as if he waited until we got back to pass away.  When I realized that he was gone, I completely lost it and bawled my eyes out.  I'm not at all ashamed to admit it.  

I initially planned to say my goodbye then come back for the funeral after Thanksgiving.  Since it happened so fast, we had the funeral the next Monday and Tuesday.  I stayed with Mom through Thanksgiving.  No reason to go back to B'ham for just 3 days then return to my Mom's house.  I certainly couldn't be alone or leave Mom without me.  Time to get back to real life now with a new normal.  I figure that it will take time to get back into my routine.