Consider your inner circle of friends. I'm betting that in almost all cases, the following characteristics are the same for all members of the clique:
Race, gender, education level, socioeconomic status, marital status, children. Broaden your horizons.
While I pride myself on seeking out friendships with people from a wide variety of backgrounds, it is only natural for people to gravitate towards those from similar backgrounds. I'm guilty of it myself. Especially if I am abroad, if I hear a southern accent, I will approach that person and engage in conversation. There's a good chance of forming a connection with a common native land. That said, I doubt that I would have approached a New Yorker even though they likely would have been interested in my recent trip to the city.
Some of my favorite co-workers are black women. I made the following comment on social media: A person's race is part of their identity and should be recognized and appreciated. That said, I don't dwell on it and certainly don't treat them any differently. In a perfect world, it should not be a factor at all when it comes to choosing your friends. My comment was well received overall but one idiot accused me of having unconscious bias. According to him, even though I don't consider myself racist, I do treat black people differently whether I realize it or not. This person has never even met me let alone seen the way I interact with others. He made that assumption just because I am white. Get out of here with that crap!
Treat the janitor with the same respect as the CEO. That's good advice. I'm improved in this area and don't really look down on people who are less educated. I've worked as a tutor before and can attest that not everyone is college material. That doesn't mean that they can't be productive citizens or impact the lives of others. Two of my favorite people were servers at my regular lunch stops. Neither one had more than a high school education but I didn't care about that especially when I was greeted with a hug every time I came in. There was a cleaning lady at Clemson who had an unforgettable smile and I still occasionally think about her even after almost 20 years. Trump took some heat for saying that he loves the less educated. I didn't find that offensive at all. If your car breaks down and you need a mechanic, you should not care whether he is educated or not. Same deal with a plumber. All that matters is the quality of the work and the service provided. If you do have a college degree, I am betting that most of your close friends do as well. Again, broaden your horizons. Would I date a woman who is less educated? Ten years ago, I would have said no, but I've since changed.
One thing that saddens me is after people get married and especially after they have kids who are school-aged, they drift apart from their single friends and in some cases, look down on them. Chances are if you've been married for 10 years, your best friends will be other parents, especially parents of your children's friends. Again, it's natural to gravitate towards those with similar life experiences but I encourage you to make an extra effort to stay in touch with old friends. I've also observed that if you are divorced with kids, your best friends tend to be other divorcees and/or single mothers, not never marrieds. There are plenty of support groups for divorced Christians and rightly so. That said, once you age out of College and Career and Young Professionals, there's not much there if you've never been married. I'm not suggesting that being divorced is easier but being never married and un-dateable is an entirely different beast.
When it comes to gender relations, things can get a little thorny and I should be more careful about how I word this section. If you are married, you should be careful about getting too close with members of the opposite sex. I get that, but some people take it to extreme levels. I've said repeatedly that forbidding your spouse from attending social runs with a mixed group is over the line and I still stand by that assertion 100 percent. I once encountered someone who would not even allow other guys to make small talk with his wife at the pool. That is extreme. If someone is that controlling, they are probably abusive. Just saying.
I see nothing wrong with complimenting someone's outfit or hair style and I don't consider that to be flirtatious. On a recent trip, a flight attendant told the woman behind me that her hair was beautiful. If I had said the same thing to a stranger, I'd be considered a creep and I don't think that's right. As for me, I do get the occasional compliment on my hair or my smile from strangers. A girl from California said my southern accent was "beautiful." I'll admit that hearing it from women means a bit more to me but I never took it as more than friendly. At a bar in Oregon, I was told that blonde guys with southern accents are sexy. That would be inappropriate if it came from a married woman. You should not use that type of language to anyone except your spouse. In this case, because it came from a single woman, I appreciated it and took it as a nice compliment. I'd be afraid to say the same thing to a woman.
I've read numerous articles about how women need to support other women. That bothers me a little and some articles crossed the line when it came to negative attitudes towards men. One person asserted that women never exhibit prejudice or favoritism based on gender, which is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. There was a recent post that made rounds in which women said that if they were lost in the woods, they would rather encounter a bear than a male stranger. If that's not a prejudiced viewpoint, I don't know what is. Support good people because they are good, not because they are of a certain gender. Men should support and compliment women and vice versa but don't withhold correction if it is necessary. Never take the side of your own gender in a conflict when they are clearly in the wrong.
I recall a news program in which a man told a woman to shut up on the air. Not a nice thing to say but I highly doubt that he was motivated by sexism. He responded to an idiotic assertion and had been interrupted a few seconds earlier. Not surprisingly, the woman flipped out and made it about gender. I'm quite sure she's heard those 2 words from other women. Whether you are a man or woman, think of a time when you were bothered or offended by words of someone from the opposite sex. Now, ask yourself this. What if the same thing was said by someone of my own gender? Would my reaction be any different? Unless it was clearly motivated by sexism, the answer should be no.
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