As painful as it can be, I still believe that I am making
the right decision by not pursuing a dating relationship until I get my health
at least under control. I don’t have to
be totally free from relapses, but I do need a stable cocktail with bad days
limited to maybe 1 or 2 days per month, preferably due to stupid decisions rather
than an adjustment to the formula. A
crash absolutely cannot happen every week.
That’s simply not good for either party.
What I would like to have is an occasional female companion that will
join me for meals or even day trips. A
weekend or overnight trip would be over the line even if we stayed in different
hotel rooms. This can be a tricky situation
and the ideal case would be a situation in which there is no romantic interest
on either side. I may have found someone
who can fit this bill.
Like everyone else, I’ve had my share of crushes on girls
who were out of my league. In most
cases, I was able to become friends, but it never went beyond hanging out in a
group. I’m sure that some of them knew
or suspected that I had deeper feelings, but I didn’t make it too obvious and
it did not affect the friendship. I’ve
been on the other side of this issue as well.
A lesson that I learned in
eighth grade is that if the person is simply not interested, there is NOTHING
that you can say or do that will change their mind. If you keep pushing for it when it is clearly
unwanted, you could lose the friendship.
How to proceed?
IMO, it takes 3 dates before you can tell for sure if the
person is relationship material. It is
of utmost importance to be honest about how you feel or do not feel. There may be some hurt feelings involved but
it is ten times worse if you lead them on when you don’t really mean it. I had a few dates with a woman who had a bit
of a crush on me. I did enjoy her
company but didn’t see any compatibility.
She worked nights and weekends in a hotel and was a bit of a home body. That’s not going to work with somebody who
travels so much and is always on the go.
We’d hardly ever see each other.
I put her in the friend zone hoping that she could be an occasional
lunch or movie companion. She didn’t
like it and decided that she would rather not see me at all. I didn’t like it either, but I can see her
point of view. She’d want me to return
her love and affection and would be saddened when it doesn’t happen. You run the risk of losing the friendship if
one party has feelings and the other does not.
If I had the chance to go to lunch with one of my crushes, sure
I’d take it. Friendships can blossom
into something more down the road. I may
find after hanging out a couple times that we are not compatible, but I still
enjoy her company. If I still do have
feelings, I would hope that I’d be brave enough to tell her. Unfortunately, I would have to advise against
a close friendship with someone who does not share your feelings for the same
reason stated above. I don’t think I
could take being continually disappointed that my love is not returned.
I’ve got a few women that flirt with me on Facebook. Unfortunately, none of them live locally and
I don’t do long distance relationships, especially not with foreigners. Who knows about their intentions? They could be using me to gain US citizenship
and indeed I do know someone who got burned.
If you want to send me a Good morning or How is your day, that’s
fine. I had one who wanted to chat with
me every time I browsed my news feed.
That’s a problem even if we were actually dating. I don’t like to be disturbed at work so if
you send me texts every hour and become upset when I don’t answer right away,
that’s being too clingy. I will break
up. I told her not to message me on a
day that I would be on the road driving back from Florida. I checked my phone when I got back to find 3
missed video calls from her. She even
talked about wanting to marry me after a couple of chats and dug up pictures
from 6 years ago. I responded by muting
her and ignoring her messages until she backed off. I had to block somebody else from Messenger
because they called me every single day even though I never answered. Psycho!
One thing that is clear about the heath protocol and the
detox is that my outward appearance has improved considerably. Even if I do say so myself, I am much more
attractive now at age 39 than I was at age 25.
I have no doubt that if I post my current picture on dating sites, I
will draw interest and get dates. Can I
find someone who is compatible? That
will not be so easy.
 |
| Age 25 |
 |
| Age 39 |
One thing that the Church needs to improve upon is its
attitude towards those who have never been married. There are all sorts of support groups for
people who are divorced with kids, but people who have never been married face
different challenges and have different needs.
These needs are often neglected.
With the exception of mega churches in which most group members are
unchurched, once you age out of College and Career or Young Professionals, it’s
all couples and families. The attitude
is that if you are much over 30 and not married, something must be wrong with
you. Well, in many cases that’s
true. In my experience, many people who
are my age and not married are suffering from mental health issues. That is no joke. As I’ve said repeatedly, when chemicals get
too far out of whack, YOU WILL BE DEPRESSED.
The imbalances exist independent of your attitude and external
circumstances. If there is ever a
segment of the population that needs encouraging fellowship rather than
isolation, it’s us.
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