Monday, August 1, 2011

Another 2 front war

For those of you that are hurting emotionally, you have my sympathy but if you were to ask most of them if they would prefer to switch with me and have to live with chemical instability, the answer would be a RESOUNDING NO! At least most people, despite the hurt, they can rise above their negative situation and even choose to be happy in time. I can't do that. It's simply not possible with chemical imbalances. So what's it like to live with chemical instabilty? If you read this blog on a regular basis, you already have a general idea but I'll briefly rehash it. In short, you have days in which you are anxious, short of breath and tire easily. Other days will be marred by fatigue, low grade depression and a general apathetic blah feeling. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that I can't run worth crap in either of those states. I won't deny that it hurts to fall short of my athletic potential as a result of this but there are more important things that are affected, most notably my relationships with family and friends. Again, don't even get me started about dating. I also find it difficult to focus at work and have struggled at times with my job. The worst of it is that quite often I go from one extreme to the other literally overnight. That's right. I could go to bed feeling fatigued and wake up anxious and vice versa.
Currently, I suspect deficiencies in thyroid hormones along with continued extreme fast oxidation. Two days earlier, I would not have been able to finish even 1 mile much below 8 minutes. Now, I am back under 35 minutes for 5 miles thanks to thyroid glandular supplements. Those of you who did not understand how valuable running is as a barometer to my condition, now you know. By law, I cannot get the thyroid hormones tested without a doctor's order. I could buy such an order online but I can't wait that long to get it. I'm already headed in the right direction and within a couple of days, the blood test may not even show a problem. How did I get to this state? I've been fighting extreme fast oxidation for the better part of the last 3 years. This is not an uncommon occurence for someone who has beaten adrenal fatigue. I have taken some powerful stuff, including Lithium and other anti-thyroid glandulars to get my biochemistry right. Without it, the symptoms of extreme fast oxidation were intolerable. The end result was that it was not effective in solving the fast oxidation and caused my thyroid hormones to go hypo.
Now, all I can do is wait for the hair test. It is possible that my biochemical imbalances could not get better because of the infected root canal. Now that it's no longer an issue, it is POSSIBLE that taking hard core stuff was finally effective in getting my numbers down, leaving me with only the hypothyroid to worry about, which is easily treatable.
If my numbers have remained stubbornly high, here's what my life looks like:
-I'll take the thyroid glandulars when I have the fatigue and they'll be effective for a while until the extreme fast oxidation over-rides the hypothyroid.
-I'll take the recommended supplements for fast oxidation for a while and they'll be effective for a while until the hypothyroid over-rides the fast oxidation.
-I may have up to 6 weeks of stability and relative freedom from symptoms but the crash will be inevitable and I just have to hope that it doesn't happen the day before a goal marathon or half.
As for my faith, I write a monthly devotional and send it to about 50 friends. I will end those messages if this does not work out and go back to being a lukewarm Christian. After 5 years of this with little hope of improvement and faced with the prospect of a life long condition that precludes long-term happiness, I have finally reached the breaking point. I thought about taking down my site altogether but have decided against that. I AM better off than I was 5 years ago and even if this hair test protocol wasn't fully effective for me, it's still better than antidepressants and counseling from a clueless quack psychologist.
Sorry to let down anyone that I have inspired. I do sincerely hope that I will look back on these 3 relapses in the past month and realize that it made me stronger.

1 comment:

L.A. Runner said...

I'm sorry for what you are dealing with, Justin. Please keep the faith that God has great things in store for you. Those things may just not be in *your* plan right now. Hang tough. I know you think psychologists are "quacks", but have you considered a Christian counselor? It's slightly different, as the person will have faith-based guidance in helping you deal with emotions, etc. I used one for a little over a year, and I really feel it was one of the keys in me getting through what I did. Don't give up!