Rant or Rave: Some People Change

My 20 year high school reunion took place last month.  I did not attend but would be open to going down the road especially if I have a steady girlfriend and have my health problems under control.  A nightmarish senior year left a bad taste in my mouth for a long time but I feel better now about my overall experience than I did when I graduated.

  I did help plan and organize a reunion for my high school cross-country team, which took place every Christmas for 3 or 4 years.  The first one was GREAT but it did start to get old towards the end.  It was nice to see those guys again but realistically, there is only 1 that would still be among my best friends if we lived in the same area and maybe 2 or 3 others that I would talk to with some regularity.  Sadly, there is also 1 or 2 that I would strongly dislike because of hateful ideologies and/or drug use.

If I did attend, I'd probably be a hit.  My long-term memory is legendary and I could tell stories exactly as they happened word for word.  One ex-teammate looked at me incredulously after I told a story of us getting kicked out of a team meeting and asked me: "How the f____ do you remember all that shit?"  I'll bet that I would connect with people that I never or rarely talked to in high school but would be disappointed by some of the people that I had been looking forward to seeing.  I have some idea of who I would click with because I maintain my no rejection policy on Facebook and see what people post.

I recently got a request from somebody who was 2 years ahead of me.  I don't even recall meeting him at all but he had a reputation as one of the worst troublemakers in school and it wasn't harmless stuff either.  I heard a rumor that he got drunk one night and pulled a gun on somebody, supposedly just as a joke.   I'm not even sure if he graduated at all and I thought for sure that he would end up as a career criminal.  Nope.  At least as far as I can tell, he's turned out okay.  He's married with children, works a steady job and has yet to post anything offensive.  Another guy who was a sometime friend sometime enemy also appeared to be headed for prison.  He quit drinking and using drugs more than 5 years ago.  I messaged him to say that he's changed so much and all for the better.  He thanked me and said he's embarrassed by the things he did in school and through his 20s.  I'd actually consider hanging out with him if I have time when I go home in the future. I also read an encouraging story of a man who walked away from a Neo-Nazi hate group and endured painful procedures to get his racist tattoos removed.  Nobody is irredeemable! Do you hear that Hillary Clinton?

Sadly, in my experience, change is not always for the better.  At least 2 of my Christian friends have renounced their faith and have gone completely in the opposite direction.  I've had to unfollow one of them for repeated left-wing rants and posts full of profanity.  Tragically, 2 of my track teammates got messed up on drugs and did not live to see 30 years of age.  Another died in an accident in which alcohol was likely involved.  Such a shame too.  One was a straight-A student with a bright future.  The other was a decent kid who was popular and a good all around athlete with very nice parents too.

Think back to your best friends in elementary school.  Chances are that you drifted apart in middle and high school though you may have re-connected as an adult.  Also, it is quite rare that your best high school buddies become lifelong friends.  Sadly, I've also drifted apart from my best college buddies too after that got married or in long-term relationships.  I see this as a good reason to delay marriage.  People do change at any age but a radical metamorphosis after age 30 is less likely.  I have found however that the more time people spend together, the more alike they become.  If one person is a smoker and/or heavy drinker while the other is an athlete, it usually doesn't stay that way.  Both will be living similar lifestyles before too long.  The only question is which way will they go?  If I were faced with that situation in which a wife goes in an entirely different direction than me, I'd certainly be willing to make some concessions and try to save the marriage but if it crosses the line into an abusive situation, divorce is acceptable.